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Quentin Coldwater, banned from AO3 ([personal profile] volunteertomatoes) wrote2019-04-18 11:43 am
itselbitch: (fuck's sake)

[personal profile] itselbitch 2019-04-18 08:08 pm (UTC)(link)
[ He almost remarks how it’s amazing that it’s actually night for his friends too, but he doesn’t want to seem unbearable. For as much as he suffers in silence these days, the fact Quentin’s showed up all on his own means he’s not forgotten, and that’s all Eliot needs right now. ]

And sacrifice your rest? For little, old me? I’m honored. [ It’s dry as he starts haphazardly trying to make anything out of the other liquids he has around. He manages a decent enough mix that isn’t too appalling for simple Quentin’s delicate sensibilities quickly enough and wonders if there’s a competition for best shitty drinks using the shittiest ingredients list competition back on Earth that he’ll probably never attend and win first place in. ]

Most people that come here just want to complain about something.
itselbitch: (play stupid games)

[personal profile] itselbitch 2019-04-18 08:52 pm (UTC)(link)
Well, if anyone will, it’ll probably be her, but I don’t plan on holding my breath. [ He remarks before taking a hefty drink of his goblet which has an extra splash of gin in it. ]

Not everything can be fixed.

[ It’s a reminder, in case Quentin’s forgotten, but he settles into his seat too, slouching toward his dear friend and letting the aches of the day seep away into the bottom of his cup. ]

It wouldn’t fix the other things that are broken anyway. [ Which is to say, yes, he had been conscious when Quentin and his Bambi had been gossipping about him, and yes, he’s not so stupid that he really let himself believe that he wanted to try this purely for the sake of being a good person. ]
itselbitch: (never bet on me)

[personal profile] itselbitch 2019-04-18 10:02 pm (UTC)(link)
There a grave difference between believing in something and simply doing it, Quentin. [ He offers this as advice, though he quickly gives a shrug to dismiss it. ] Even if we do figure things out, I don’t know that it means any of this had a point.

[ He stares hard into his cup for a few moments before continuing. ]

I didn’t ask to have a wife. Or to be a father. Sometimes, it’s— [ and he takes a breath to even psych himself up to say it ] —just the way things are, and you have to learn to live with it.

For better or worse.

[ Yeah, time to gulp down some more punch now. ]
itselbitch: (let me think about it as i leave)

retcon alice talk bc we're dumb fucks idk it's sth about julia now or whatever yawn

[personal profile] itselbitch 2019-04-19 02:08 am (UTC)(link)
[ Eliot hums, holding his usual nonchalance as tragically dry as humanly possible. ]

I suppose it depends on who you ask.

[ For the kingdom, he likes to think he’s done rather well for someone who didn’t know they were going to become a king a day before they actually became one. And they do have crops now, for however slowly the manual effort words toward growing it. Fen, even having come forward with the truth of her past continues to support him, believing in him to do what is right even when he doesn’t know himself what exactly that means.

But does he fit the mold even slightly? Sorry, this rainbow-colored triangle peg doesn’t like these single colored slots for squares. ]


Finding people I relate to is a challenge even on Earth. [ There’s a pause as considers his next words, sobering despite the alcohol. He hasn’t had hardly enough yet since he can still feel his face. ] At least the rest of you have that.

[ He’s the only one trapped here, unable to really be wherever he wants to go, which isn’t surprising considering what he’d agreed to, but he’d hoped, like with so many other things around the time when he’d decided to marry a complete stranger, that it would have just ended things for him without any other consequences. Dumb, of course, but he was also really, really high at the time, on top of his overbearing depressive streak, and that’s his excuse. ]

I’m not sure I know who I am here.
itselbitch: (if you could see your worth)

voicetesting? i don't know her

[personal profile] itselbitch 2019-04-19 01:56 pm (UTC)(link)
[ God. What did he ever do to deserve a precious idiot like Quentin in his life? The shadow of a smile drifts across Eliot’s face as he gestures with his cup back. He does like being himself, it’s true. He’s fabulous. ]

I’ve missed this. Drinking into the evening, just the two of us.

[ Which isn’t to say he’s never done the same with Margo and enjoyed those as well. He has a lot of love to give, and he knows how to share. ]

We haven’t really done this in a while.

[ Things have been tense, after all, with everything going on. Eliot’s pretty sure Quentin’s already gotten over how sleeping with him and Margo broke Alice up with him, but that’s only because Alice’s death overshadows it.

Also Quentin isn’t know for being the sharpest tool in the shed with the best memory, even when he isn’t self-medicating. And Eliot’s the only one stuck in Fillory. And he’s also married now. So. Yeah, not surprising that it hasn’t happened in a while, especially since time flows faster in Fillory. ]


You know, if you want to get more rest in, you could just catch up on sleep here before returning, right?

[ Frankly, they could also be doing this when it comes to researching and whatever else that doesn’t have to directly happen on Earth itself, but these days, Eliot doesn’t really know what the plan is anymore. His friends aren’t intentionally withholding, but Eliot doesn’t see the point in prodding every time they return when the plan’s going to change again within a few hours of Earth time after they leave. ]
itselbitch: (fuck's sake)

[personal profile] itselbitch 2019-04-19 04:58 pm (UTC)(link)
Q. [ There’s admonishment in his tone. ] You’re helping by making sure you don’t die on us. Don’t be silly.

We need you. And you have to take care of yourself.

[ There’s a pause as he takes a drink. ]

I know that sounds cheap coming from someone like me, but that goes for all of us.

[ It’s why he hasn’t actually given up yet, really. Well, that, and he has some weird luck that’s been preventing him from dying anyway. ]
itselbitch: (just. why.)

[personal profile] itselbitch 2019-04-19 05:29 pm (UTC)(link)
[ Immediately, he groans with dispair. ]

You would think it wouldn’t be so difficult, but apparently they have yet to pick the right climate zone to grow our grapes in, and the process is still very much trial and error. [ Eliot rocks his cup lightly before taking another drink. ] Should have studied up on how to make wine before I came here.

[ He slides down in his seat and sighs a long sigh as he slips. ]

But how are you doing? I’m sure your visit isn’t just because you wanted to save me from falling asleep in the throneroom.
itselbitch: (never bet on me)

[personal profile] itselbitch 2019-04-19 07:28 pm (UTC)(link)
I don’t mean any offense, it’s just that that hasn’t been a reason for you for—

[ Ah, but time does go much more quickly here. ]

...it’s been a long time for me. Since you’ve wanted to. That’s all. And I missed that. Didn’t know if you’d ever want to again.

[ Eliot shrugs, because this too is just another fact to him, and he tries not to take it personally. ]

It’s just lonely sometimes. Nothing to worry about.
itselbitch: (just. why.)

[personal profile] itselbitch 2019-04-19 08:26 pm (UTC)(link)
She’s fine. Excited for the child, but I suppose who wouldn’t be.

[ Even Eliot can’t deny that he’s sort of excited at the prospect, despite how completely unprepared for fatherhood he is. ]

Why?
itselbitch: (fuck's sake)

[personal profile] itselbitch 2019-04-20 12:13 am (UTC)(link)
[ He smiles wryly, not really knowing how to respond. As much as he’s pleased he will actually be a father, it’s not really something he’d asked for either. He can’t say that he didn’t want it; there is the thought that maybe kids would be nice sometime far in the future. That had always been something he imagined far far into the future though. And now... Now this is his new life and he can either accept it or let Fillory fall apart. ]

Not so interesting anymore, am I? [ It’s said like a joke, but of course it’s never a joke. ] Turns out orgies won’t ever be a thing for me again.

I’d ask you to attend some in my place, but I’m sure you’d probably get lost and start crying. Somehow end up in the kitchen drinking hot cocoa.
itselbitch: (i have made a grave mistake)

[personal profile] itselbitch 2019-04-20 02:04 pm (UTC)(link)
[ Eliot hums, pretty sure Q means the one threesome he’s managed to be in that he vehemently denied having wanted the next morning. He doesn’t know if Quentin remembers how close he came to essentially accusing him and Margo of taking advantage of him without his consent, but it hadn’t sat right with him then, and for Quentin to bring it up now like he’d wanted it all along only carves the hurt deeper.

Damnit. He thought he’d buried that feeling good and deep. But how could he forget the world’s cruelest joke? To finally have something he wanted, to feel wanted back, so desperately loved, to feel as if he could be healed and whole and maybe even happy, only to have it ripped away from him and to be treated as a villain for being...well. Him. Instead of Alice.

He’d even made excuses for Quentin to feel better. It was just the magic at work. It wasn’t something either of them had wanted. But it wasn’t enough. It’d still be pinned that Eliot and Margo had ruined Quentin’s life somehow. For, what, being part of it? For loving Quentin because he deserved it? For wanting a piece of that goodness because both of them knew what a beautiful existence Quentin was and wanting to let him know?

He pulls himself upright and makes Quentin another drink before letting himself speaking, using the time to reign back his emotions while thinking of how answer. When Eliot hands the goblet back, he feels much calmer, less betrayed. He polishes off his own drink and starts working on making another for himself before answering. ]


I don’t think it counts if you’re too far gone to choose wanting it.

What do you even remember?
itselbitch: (just. why.)

[personal profile] itselbitch 2019-04-21 03:16 am (UTC)(link)
[ Funny how there wasn’t anything wrong with his own memories or any of Margo’s. Must just be a thing when you really don’t want to remember it.

But even then Quentin’s not really answering the question. ]


And that means... What exactly?

[ He’s smart, but he’s not a mind-reader. ]

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